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"It would indeed be ironic if, in the name of national defense, we would sanction the subversion of one of those liberties which make the defense of our nation worthwhile." - Earl Warren
"No passion so effectually robs the mind of all its powers of acting and reasoning as fear." - Edmund Burke
"The one permanent emotion of the inferior man is fear - fear of the unknown, the complex, the inexplicable. What he wants beyond everything else is safety." - H. L. Mencken
"Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of tyrants; it is the creed of slaves." - William Pitt
""Eternal Vigilance is the Price of Liberty" used to mean we watched the government - not the other way around." - Bill Stewart
"A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him, I may think aloud." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence. True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation." - George Washington
"My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me." - Henry Ford
"God does not deduct from a person's lifetime the time spent shooting." - Corrected from an old fishing adage
"Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment." - Overheard on a radio talk show by Julius Foris
"Don't you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked 'Brightness,' but it doesn't work." - Gallagher
"I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me." - John Cleese
"An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have because the older she gets, the more he is interested in her." - Dame Agatha Christie
"The only good bureaucrat is one with a pistol at his head. Put it in his hand and it's good-bye to the Bill of Rights." - H.L. Mencken
"We're completely surrounded. That simplifies the problem." - Lewis B. "Chesty" Puller, USMC
"Most politicians wouldn’t recognize their "fellow Americans" even if one stood up and smacked them across the face. - Jack Grant
"Competence doesn’t seem like a big deal until you are forced to realize that your own government has none." - Bruce Sterling, 2 September 2005
"My favorite animal is steak." - Fran Lebowitz
"There is danger from all men. The only maxim of a free government ought to be to trust no man living with power to endanger the public liberty." - John Adams
"He that undervalues himself will undervalue others, and he that undervalues others will oppress them." - Samuel Johnson
"No one asked me to volunteer." - Homer Simpson
"No president who performs his duties faithfully and conscientiously can have any leisure." - President James Polk
"The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him." - Robert Benchley
"If he [Hugo Chavez] thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it." - Rev. Pat Robertson, August 22, 2005
I didn't say 'assassination.' I said our special forces should 'take him out.' 'Take him out' could be a number of things, including kidnapping." - Rev. Pat Robertson, August 23, 2005
"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." - Mohandas Gandhi
"Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction." - Blaise Pascal (1623-1662)
"As he stared at her ample bosom, he daydreamed of the dual Stromberg carburetors in his vintage Triumph Spitfire, highly functional yet pleasingly formed, perched prominently on top of the intake manifold, aching for experienced hands, the small knurled caps of the oil dampeners begging to be inspected and adjusted as described in chapter seven of the shop manual." - Dan McKay's winning entry in the 2005 'Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest'
"We will establish a new system that makes high-quality health care available to every American in a dignified manner and at a price he can afford." - Richard Nixon
"The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit." - Nelson Henderson
"As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take which course he will, he will be sure to repent." - Socrates
"The most outrageous lies that can be invented will find believers if a man only tells them with all his might." - Mark Twain
"There's practically no question that foreign leaders see Condi as a sort of diplomatic Paris Hilton - they're awfully nice to her, but take her about as seriously as drama critics take Pauly Shore." - Scott Johnson
"All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian." - Pat Paulsen
"Never eat more than you can lift." - Miss Piggy
"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people are so full of doubt." - Bertrand Russell
Men, it has been well said, think in herds; it will be seen that they go mad in herds, while they only recover their senses slowly, and one by one." - Charles Mackay
"If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going." - Professor Irwin Corey
"The liberties of a people never were, nor ever will be, secure when the transactions of their rulers may be concealed from them." - Patrick Henry
"I reject your reality, and substitute my own." - Adam Savage, "Mythbusters"
"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And when you look long into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you." - Friedrich Nietzsche
"I'm frankly sick and tired of the political preachers across this country telling me as a citizen that if I want to be a moral person, I must believe in A, B, C, and D. Just who do they think they are? And from where do they presume to claim the right to dictate their moral beliefs to me? - Barry Goldwater
"Restlessness is discontent - and discontent is the first necessity of progress. Show me a thoroughly satisfied man - and I will show you a failure." - Thomas Alva Edison
"Men, it has been well said, think in herds; it will be seen that they go mad in herds, while they only recover their senses slowly, and one by one." - Charles Mackay
"A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal." -Oscar Wilde
"Always drink upstream from the herd." -Will Rogers
"I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either." - Jack Benny
"Stupidity cannot be cured with money, or through education, or by legislation." - Robert A. Heinlein
"Here in America we are descended in blood and in spirit from revolutionaries and rebels - men and women who dared to dissent from accepted doctrine. As their heirs we never confuse honest dissent with disloyal subversion." - Dwight D. Eisenhower
"If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank." - Woody Allen
"I guess if you keep making the same mistake long enough, it becomes your style." - John Prine
"I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him." - Galileo Galilei
"We will bankrupt ourselves in the vain search for absolute security." - Dwight David Eisenhower
"Every society honors its live conformists and its dead troublemakers." - Mignon McLaughlin
"The only security for the American people today, or for any people, is to be found through the control of force rather than the use of force." - Norman Cousins
"Men in authority will always think that criticism of their policies is dangerous. They will always equate their policies with patriotism, and find criticism subversive." - Henry Steele Commager
"Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then - we elected them." - Lily Tomlin
"Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him to use the internet and he won't bother you for weeks." - Xarvon, alien investigator
"My interest is in the future, because I'm going to spend the rest of my life there." - Charles F. Kettering
"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made." - Groucho Marx
"If you don't read the newspaper, you are uninformed; if you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed." - Mark Twain
"A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election" - Bill Vaughan
"A vote is like a rifle: its usefulness depends upon the character of the user." - Theodore Roosevelt
"If more of our so-called leaders would walk the same streets as the people who voted them in, live in the same buildings, eat the same food instead of hiding behind glass and steel and bodyguards, maybe we'd get better leadership and a little more concern for the future." - Bruce Boxleitner from Babylon 5
"Democracy has at least one merit, namely that a Member of Parliament cannot be stupider than his constituents, for the more stupid he is, the more stupid they were to elect him." - Bertrand Russell
"The President is merely the most important among a large number of public servants. He should be supported or opposed exactly to the degree which is warranted by his good conduct or bad conduct, his efficiency or inefficiency in rendering loyal, able, and disinterested service to the Nation as a whole. Therefore it is absolutely necessary that there should be full liberty to tell the truth about his acts, and this means that it is exactly necessary to blame him when he does wrong as to praise him when he does right. Any other attitude in an American citizen is both base and servile. To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public. Nothing but the truth should be spoken about him or any one else. But it is even more important to tell the truth, pleasant or unpleasant, about him than about any one else." - Teddy Roosevelt, May 7, 1918
"Responsibility is a unique concept: it can only reside and inhere in a single individual. You may share it with others, but your portion is not diminished. You may delegate it, but it is still with you. Even if you do not recognize it or admit its presence, you
cannot escape it. If responsibility is rightfully yours, no evasion, or ignorance or passing the blame can shift the burden to someone else. Unless you can point your finger at the man who is responsible when something goes wrong, then you never had someone really responsible." - Admiral Hyman G. Rickover
"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary." - H.L. Mencken (1880-1956)
"Bush's biggest problem, in contrast [to Reagan], is not that he is a poor communicator. It is that he has nothing to communicate. Victory over terrorists, yes -- . . . Beyond that there is nothing." - Doug Bandow, Salon.com
"Blind faith in bad leadership is not patriotism." - Unknown
"I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man's reasoning powers are not above the monkey's." - Mark Twain
"Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel." - Samuel Johnson
"If the Americans go in and overthrow Saddam Hussein and it's clean, he had nothing, I will apologize to the nation and I will not trust the Bush administration again." - Bill O'Reilly, Fox News, March 18, 2003
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." — President George W. Bush, Aug. 5, 2004
"Blind faith in bad leadership is not patriotism." - Unknown
"Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make." - Lord Farquaad, in Shrek
"Yes, the 'Bush Doctrine.' Holding regimes that harbor terrorists to account. That doctrine also carries the 'Bush Asterisk,' which simply states: 'Doctrine not valid in Saudi Arabia, Yemen, Syria, and Pakistan."' - Jon Stewart
"Please, my dear brothers, let your wives and sisters go to the voter registration process. Later, you can control who she votes for, but please, let her go." - Afghan President Hamid Karzai, [Associated Press, 5-26-04]
"Better to have one freedom too many than to have one freedom too few." - Brad Coon
"Be who you are and say what you feel cause people who mind don't matter, and people who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss
"The day you take complete responsibility for yourself, the day you stop making excuses, that's the day you start your move to the top." - O. J. Simpson
"It is seldom that liberty of any kind is lost all at once." - David Hume, 1741
"I believe that people who practice the Muslim faith can self-govern. I believe that people whose skins aren't necessarily -- are a
different color than white can self-govern. - President George W. Bush, 4/30/04
"Without fools the rest of us could not succeed." - Mark Twain
"Alone of human beings the good and wise mother stands on a plane of equal honor with the bravest soldier; for she has gladly gone down to the brink of the chasm of darkness to bring back the children in whose hands rests the future of the years." - Teddy Roosevelt
"The lion and the lamb may lie down together, but the lamb won't get much sleep." - Woody Allen
"Don't ever think you know what's right for the other guy. He might start thinking he knows what's right for you." - Paul Williams
"There's something to be said for relatives. It has to be said because it's unprintable." - Albert Einstein
"The fighting in and around Fallujah is a throwback to the kind of urban warfare most Marines know only from the movies...They are
basically engaging the enemy and...making this come down to a matter of marksmanship." - NY Times Reporter Jeffrey Gettleman,
Embedded with US Marines, on NPR Weekend Edition, 4/18/04
"Absolute faith corrupts as absolutely as absolute power." - Eric Hoffer
"The people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger." - Hermann Goering
"You're never too old to do goofy stuff." -- Ward Cleaver
"Ah yes! Conservatives. Some of the finest minds of the 12th Century." - Paul Begala
"Not within a thousand years will man ever fly!" -- Wilbur Wright, 1901
"A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for." --W. C. Fields
"Laws alone can not secure freedom of expression; in order that every man present his views without penalty there must be spirit of tolerance in the entire population." - Albert Einstein
"Build a man a fire and he is warm for the night. Set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life." - Unknown
"Show me a man who cannot bother to do little things and I'll show you a man who cannot be trusted to do big things." - Lawrence D. Bell, 1894-1956, American Airplane Engineer
"Less is not more. Enough is enough. Less is less." - David Vestal
"Knowledge is good." - Emil Faber
"You take the lies out of him, and he'll shrink to the size of a hat; you take the malice out of him, and he'll disappear." - Mark Twain
"To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public." - Theodore Roosevelt, 26th US President
"It is seldom that liberty of any kind is lost all at once." -David Hume, 1741
"I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with microphones." (apologies to Solomon Short)
"People hear what they want to hear, and disregard the rest..." - "The Boxer," Simon & Garfunkel, 1970
"Stupidity has a certain charm -- ignorance does not." - Frank Zappa
"I firmly believed we should not march into Baghdad ...To occupy Iraq would instantly shatter our coalition, turning the whole Arab
world against us and make a broken tyrant, into a latter-day Arab hero." - George H.W. Bush
"As people do better, they start voting like Republicans... unless they have too much education and vote Democratic, which proves
there can be too much of a good thing." - Karl Rove, George W. Bush's Political Guru
"The faster I go, the behinder I get." - Lewis Carroll
"So, Wesley Clark is running for president. Pretty amazing guy. Four star general, first in his class at West Point, supreme commander of NATO, saw combat in Vietnam, won the bronze star, silver star, the purple heart for being wounded in battle. See, I'm no political expert, but that sounds pretty good next to choking on a pretzel, falling off a scooter and dropping the dog." - Jay Leno
"Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise." - Thomas Gray
"Like almost everyone, I receive a lot of spam every day, much of it offering to help me get out of debt or get rich quick. It's ridiculous." - Bill Gates
"Build a man a fire and he is warm for the night. Set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life." - Unknown
"Life is not a rehearsal." - Unknown
"I can't do any literary work for the rest of this year because I'm meditating a lawsuit and looking around for a defendant." - Mark Twain
"I have nothing but contempt and anger for those who betray the trust by exposing the name of our sources. They are, in my view, the most insidious of traitors." - George H.W. Bush, April 16th, 1999
"I plan to live forever or die trying." - Spider Robinson
"Just keep going. Everybody gets better if they keep at it." - Ted Williams
"People always told me that my natural ability and good eyesight were the reasons for my success as a hitter. They never talk about the practice, practice, practice." - Ted Williams
"Have we gone too far with this First Amendment business?" - Bill O'Reilly, Fox News, 8/29/03
"The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools." - Herbert Spencer
"The end does not justify the means. No ones rights can be secured by the violation of the rights of others." - Ayn Rand
"Just name a hero, and I'll prove he's a bum." - Greg "Pappy" Boyington
"I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate." - George Burns
"If at first a new idea does not seem absurd, there is little hope for it." - Albert Einstein
"That's the problem with German food: six days later you're hungry again." - Unknown
"I got thrown out of Cub Scouts...for eating a Brownie!" - Unknown
"Self-defense is the most precious right we have. It is already gone in England and gone in Australia. But I'll tell you what: it's NOT going to be gone in America--not if the NRA has anything to say about it." - Sandra S. Froman, NRA First Vice President
"Action supercedes everything!" Henry Ford
"The things that come to those who wait are usually the things left by those who got there first." - Unknown
"Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys." - P.J. O'Rourke
"Street lights timed for 35 mph are also timed for 70 mph." - Jim Samuels
"Those who dance are considered insane by those who can't hear the music." - George Carlin
"The reason that the Anerican Navy does so well in wartime is that war is chaos, and the American Navy practices chaos on a daily basis." -German General Officer
"Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass." -George Carlin
"Shoot slow, do everything else fast!!!" - Grandmaster Chuck Bradley
"After people have repeated a phrase a great number of times, they begin to realize it has meaning and may even be true." - H. G. Wells
"Success is the ability to go from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm." - Winston Churchill
"Secrecy is the keystone of all tyranny. Not force, but secrecy... censorship. When any government, or any church, for that matter, undertakes to say to it's subjects, 'This you may not read, this you must not see, this you are forbidden to know,' the end result is tyranny and oppression, no matter how holy the motives." - Robert Heinlein.
"It's not how fast you get there. It's how fast you get there ready to shoot." - Rob Leatham
"A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul." - George Bernard Shaw
"In the long run, the greatest weapon of mass destruction is stupidity." - Thomas Sowell
"It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong." - Voltaire
"The way to become boring is to say everything." - Voltaire
"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. You just leave a lot of useless noisy baggage behind." - Jed Babbin
"My favorite bumper sticker in Washington D.C right now is the one that says 'First Iraq, then France'." -Tom Brokaw
"The French announced today that they would not help us remove Saddam from Iraq. Well Duh! They didn't even help us remove Hitler
from France." -Jay Leno
Question: "How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?"
Answer: "I don't know. It's never been tried."
"Life is Tough, but it's tougher when you're stupid." -John Wayne
"Sacred cows make the best hamburger." - Unknown
"I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it." - Ashleigh Brilliant
"TEAMWORK... means never having to take all the blame yourself." - Unknown
"Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups." - Unknown
"The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out there. Type in 'Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire' and the computer will ask, 'Specify type of goat.'"- Jason Alexander (from Seinfeld)
"The more you read and observe about this politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse than the other." - Will Rogers.
"A pun does not commonly justify a blow in return. But if a blow were given for such cause, and death ensued, the jury would be judges both of the facts and of the pun, and might, if the latter were of an aggravated character, return a verdict of justifiable homicide." - Oliver Wendall Holmes, Jr.
"If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt all things." - Descartes
"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be." - Douglas Adams
"People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf." - George Orwell
"I thought about going to law school for a while, but opted for freelance gynecology instead." - Unknown
"Science is like sex: Sometimes, something useful comes out. But that is not the reason we are doing it." -- Richard Feynman.
"All skill is in vain when an Angel pisses in the flintlock of your musket." - Unknown
"Degrees do not matter... one does not bargain about inches of evil." - Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged
"He that wrestles with us strengthens our nerves and sharpens our skills. Our antagonist is our helper." - Edmund Burke
"Bones heal, chicks dig scars, pain is temporary, glory is forever." - Matt Hoffman BMX bike champion
"It's not what happens to you in your life that counts, it's how you deal with what happens to you." - Robert Young
"Resist much. Obey little." - Walt Whitman
"The principal difference between an adventurer and a suicide is that the adventurer leaves himself a margin of escape (the narrower the margin the greater the adventure)" - Tom Robbins
"But the whole thing, after all, may be put very simply. I believe it is better to tell the truth than to lie. I believe that it is better to be free than to be a slave. And I believe that it is better to know than to be ignorant." -- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
"The soldier, above all other people, prays for peace, for he must suffer and bear the deepest wounds and scars of war." - General Douglas MacArthur
"We cannot defend freedom abroad by deserting it at home." -- Thomas Jefferson
"An elective despotism was not the government we fought for." - Thomas Jefferson
"Regime Change Starts at Home." - Seen on a bumper sticker
"There's a few things I haven't tried yet. They're risky, but better than death. Probably." - Martian in movie "Spaced Invaders"
"Be who you are, say what you think, people that matter don't care, and people that care don't matter." - Dr. Seuss
"That's my sister, and ain't nobody gonna hit my sister who ain't married to her." - Heard on TV Program COPS
"Liberals are intolerant of intolerant people." - Susan W. 1999
"Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off." - Unknown
"The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong." - Unknown
"It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them." - Unknown
"If more of our so-called leaders would walk the same streets as the people who voted them in, live in the same buildings, eat the same food instead of hiding behind glass and steel and bodyguards, maybe we'd get better leadership and a little more concern for the future." - Bruce Boxleitner from Babylon 5
"All plants here have thorns, all animals stings or horns and all men carry weapons." - Lt. Adolph Engelmann, 2nd Rgt. Illinois
Foot Volunteers writing of Texas in 1846.
"Don't know where we're going, but there's no use being late." - Matthew Quigley (Tom Selleck in "Quigley Down Under")
"No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning." - Unknown
"I have learned there is little difference in wives, so you might as well keep the first." - Unknown
"Travel is very educational. I can now say 'Kaopectate' in seven different languages. - Unknown
"I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life." - Unknown
"I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been giving me lately! - Unknown
"People are more passionately opposed to wearing fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than bikers." - Unknown
"I'm a Man...
But I can change...
If I have to...
I guess."
- The Red Green Show
"More and more of our imports come from overseas." - George W. Bush, 9/25/00.
"It is universally admitted that a well-instructed people alone can be permanently a free people." - James Madison
"What's another word for thesaurus?" - Steven Wright
"Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security." - Unknown
"Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity." - Unknown
"Ignorance is preferable to error, and he is less remote from the truth who believes nothing than he who believes what is wrong." -Thomas Jefferson (Notes on Virginia, 1782)
"I don't see a difference between a chimpanzee and my 4 1/2-year-old son (based on the fact that 98.7 percent of their respective DNA is the same)." - Animal Rights Activist Steven Wise
"The wireless telegraph is not difficult to understand. The ordinary telegraph is like a very long cat. You pull the tail in New York, and it meows in Los Angeles. The wireless is the same, only without the cat." - Albert Einstein
"No matter how hard you try, you can't throw a potato chip very far." - Linus, In "Peanuts"
"A reasonable man adjusts himself to the world. An unreasonable man expects the world to adjust itself to him. Therefore all progress is made by unreasonable people." - Confucius
"A man who picks a cat up by the tail learns a lesson he can learn no other way." - Mark Twain
"A word to the wise is unnecessary, it's the stupid ones who need it. - Bill Cosby
"Just because someone agrees with you doesn't make you right. It just means there's some one else out there as stupid as you." - Nathan Reed
"The people have the right to bear arms for their defense and security." - Ohio Constitution, Art I, Sec 4.
"When in doubt, err on the side of safety. Then the worst that can happen is the competitor gets a reshoot and there's still no blood in the dust." - John Hurst, USPSA Range Master Insructor
"You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither." - Drew Carey.
"The only intuitive interface is the nipple. After that, it's all learned." - Bruce Ediger
"I think if you know what you believe, it makes it a lot easier to answer questions. I can't answer your question." - George W. Bush, Reynoldsburg, Ohio, 10/4/00
"You are a fluke of the Universe
You have no right to be here
And whether you can hear it or not,
The Universe is laughing behind your back"
-- National Lampoon's Deteriorata
"If you don't like your job, don't strike. Just go to work every day and do it really half-assed" - Homer Simpson
"Confusion is a higher state of knowledge than ignorance." - Unknown
"A vote is like a rifle: its usefulness depends upon the character of the user." - Theodore Roosevelt
"Remember, if you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast." - Woody Allen.
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible." - P.J.O'Rourke.
"Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?" - George Carlin
"The men the American people admire most extravagantly are the most daring liars; the men they detest most violently are those who try to tell them the truth." - H. L. Mencken
"It ain't what a man doesn't know that makes him a fool, but what he does know that ain't so!" - Josh Billings, 19th-century Humorist
"Load And Make Ready (LAMR) is freestyle, too!" - Jeff Maass, 4/8/02
"No comment! And remember- don't quote me!" - Calvin Coolidge
"A warped barrel is a fool's frustration." - Maxwell Smart, Agent 86
"I bought a decaffeinated coffee table. You can't even tell." - Steven Wright
"I have two very rare photographs. One is a picture of Harry Houdini locking his keys in his car. The other is of
Norman Rockwell beating up a small child." - Steven Wright
"There is more to life than increasing its speed." Gandhi (1869-1948)
"You are a fluke of the Universe You have no right to be here And whether you can hear it or not, The Universe is laughing behind your back" -- National Lampoon's Deteriorata
"I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory." - Unknown
"If you speak three languages, you're trilingual. If you speak two languages, you're bilingual. If you speak one language, you're American." - Unknown
"On the other hand, you have different fingers. - Unknown
"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine." - Unknown
"The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little past them." - Arthur C. Clarke
"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." - Arthur C. Clarke
"Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction." - Blaise Pascal (1623-1662)
"Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job." - Douglas Adams, "The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe".
"When a distinguished and elderly scientist says something is possible, he is almost certainly correct; when he says something is impossible he is very probably wrong." - Arthur C. Clarke
"It's only a game if you win but if you lose it's a stinking waste of time." - Al Bundy
"The urge to save humanity is almost always a false-face for the urge to rule it." -- H. L. Mencken
"Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film." - Unknown
"A day without sunshine is like... night." - Unknown
"When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty." - Unknown
"More people in America watch 'Friends' than have friends." - Sociologist Robert Putnam
"If there was absolute freedom, people would run over babies and charge admission." - Lenny Bruce
"The VCR is to the American film producer and the American public as the Boston Strangler is to the woman alone." - Jack Valenti, MPAA
"He who laughs last, thinks slowest." - Unknown
"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes." - Unknown
"Nothing exists but atoms and empty space. All else is opinion." - Max Planck
"Verbing weirds language." - Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes
"The mind is like a parachute. It doesn't work unless it's open." - Frank Zappa
"Be very, very careful what you put into that head, because you will never, ever get it out." - Cardinal Wolsey (1475?-1530)
"Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy." - Unknown
Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool? - Unknown
"Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?" - Unknown
"If you argue with a fool, you will leave the argument feeling like a fool." - Unknown
"People sleep peacefully in their beds at night because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf." - George Orwell.
"Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you." - Mae West
"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines." - Unknown
"Vegetarians eat life forms that can neither run nor hide." - From a T-Shirt
"To be ignorant of what occurred before you were born is to remain always a child." - Cicero
"Common sense appears to be only another name for the thoughtlessness of the unthinking. It is made of the prejudices of childhood, the idiosyncrasies of individual character and the opinion of the newspapers." - W. Somerset Maugham
"Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life."---Michael Sinz
"What should you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?" - George Carlin
"A nation . . . is just a society for hating foreigners." - Olaf Stapledon
"Colt: the original point-and-click interface." - Unknown, Seen on Internet
"When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country." - Elayne Boosler
"The plain meaning of the right of the people to keep arms is that it is an individual, rather than a collective, right and is not limited to keeping arms while engaged in active military service or as a member of a select militia such as the National Guard." - U.S. v Emerson, 5th Circuit Federal Court (published October 16, 2001)
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." - Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons." - Popular Mechanics, 1949
"Never throw rocks at people with guns." - Hastings' fourth law
"They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - Benjamin Franklin, Historical Review of Pennsylvania, 1759
"The shepherd drives the wolf from the sheep's throat, for which the sheep thanks the shepherd as his liberator, while the wolf denounces him, for the same act, as the destroyer of liberty." - Abraham Lincoln
"I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face
and say 'you helped this happen.' " - Jerry Falwell, on "The 700 Club" (Pat Robertson agreed with him)
"[Falwell's remarks about the Sept. 11 terror attacks are] the most abominable thing I've ever heard." - Retired Newsman Walter Cronkite
"Whatever lessons we take from this dreadful attack (on the World Trade Center and Pentagon), we should never forget that it was, after all, a faith based initiative." - Wendy Kaminer in The American Prospect
"Before the invention of eruptions, lava had to be carried down the mountain by hand and thrown on sleeping villagers. This took a lot of time." - Peter Loren, email tagline
"When you aren't practicing, somewhere someone is, and when you meet him, he will win." - Seen on a T-shirt in GunGames Magazine
"Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity." - Unknown
"Take my word for it, the silliest woman can manage a clever man; but it needs a very clever woman to manage a fool. - Rudyard Kipling
"You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend." - Yasir Arrafat (On going to war over religion)
"The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppresive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all." - H.L. Mencken
"Arms in the hands of citizens [may] be used at individual discretion...in private self-defense..." - John Adams
"When governments fear the people there is liberty. When people fear the government there is tyranny." -Thomas Jefferson-
"Government is not reason, it is not eloquence: it is Force! Like fire, it is a dangerous servant and a fearful master." - George Washington
"The Constitution shall never be construed to prevent the people of the United States who are peaceable citizens from keeping their own arms." - Samuel Adams
"If you are going to sin, sin against God, not the bureaucracy. God will forgive you but the bureaucracy won't." - Admiral Hyman Rickover
"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed, and hence clamorous to be led to safety, by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary." - H.L. Mencken, 1923
"No matter what side of an argument you're on, you always find some people on your side that you wish were on the other side."
- Jascha Heifetz
"Do or do not. There is not 'try'." - Yoda, The Empire Strikes Back
"If women can have PMS, then men can have ESPN." - Unknown
"Never insult seven men when all you are packing is a six-gun." -Unknown
"Goodness is the only investment that never fails." - Henry David Thoreau
"Midlife is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone to look at you naked." - Unknown
"How come we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss America?" - Unknown
"On my first day of school my parents dropped me off at the wrong nursery. There I was... surrounded by trees and bushes." - Unknown
"That the said Constitution shall never be construed to authorize Congress to infringe the just liberty of the press or the rights of conscience; or to prevent the people of The United States who are peaceable citizens from keeping their own arms..." - Samuel Adams
"Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone." - Unknown
"I live in my own little world, but it's ok... they know me here." - Unknown
"I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected." - Unknown
"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three
best friends. If they are okay, then it's you." - Rita Mae Brown
"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." - Steve Martin
"Regular naps prevent old age.....especially if you take them while driving." - Unknown
"The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content." - Unknown
"Home is where you can say anything you like 'cause nobody listens to you anyway." - Unknown
"The faster I go, the behinder I get." - Lewis Carroll
"A society that will trade a little liberty for a little order will lose both, and deserve neither" - Thomas Jefferson
"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." - Will Rogers
"Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them." - Unknown
"I got a sweater for Christmas... I wanted a screamer or a moaner." - Unknown
"Every day I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive." - Unknown
"It may be that your only purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others." - Unknown
"Speak when you are angry, and you will make the best speech you will ever regret." - Ambrose Bierce
"It is well to approach all wonders and miracles by gradual stages or degrees." - Fritz Leiber
"If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?" - George Carlin
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." - Jack Nicholson
"It is sobering to reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the struggle for independence." -- Charles A. Beard
"All you need for happiness is a good gun, a good horse, and a good wife." - Daniel Boone
"I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves." - Jerry Garcia (Grateful Dead)
"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day." -Unknown
"You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, "My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!" -- Sean Connery
"The very nature of firearms anywhere and everywhere restrains evil interference - they deserve a place of honor with all that is good. They are the American people's liberty teeth and keystone under independence." - George Washington
"Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway." - Seen on a bumper sticker
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." -- Mariah Carey, voted female artist of the millennium by VH-1
"If you took all the fools out of the Legislature, it wouldn't be a representative body anymore." - Texas State Senator Carl Parker
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships." - Sharon Stone
"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." - Tiger Woods
"There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to meet people who do." - Henry Kissenger
"Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die." -Carmen Boyle (Olympic Luge Gold Medal winner 1996)
"Reading is the basics for all learning." - George W. Bush, Reston, Va., 3/28/00
"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?" - George W. Bush, Florence, S.C., 1/11/00
"Sure, it's going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway." -- Othal Brand, member of a Texas pesticide review board, on Chlordane.
"After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?" - Steven Wright
"Come the millennium, month 12,
In the home of greatest power,
The village idiot will come forth
To be acclaimed the leader."
-- Nostradamus, 1555
"I don't have any solution, but I certainly admire the problem." - Ashleigh Brilliant
"Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats." - Howard Aiken
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read." - Groucho Marx
A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election.- Bill Vaughan
"Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened." - Sir Winston Churchill
"Try praising your wife even if it does frighten her at first." - Evangelist Billy Sunday
"Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly." - Unknown, seen on Internet
"A project not worth doing at all is not worth doing well." - Unknown
"Good intentions will always be pleaded for every assumption of authority. It is hardly too strong to say that the Constitution was made to guard the people against the dangers of good intentions. There are men in all ages who mean to govern well, but they mean to govern. They promise to be good masters, but they mean to be masters." -Daniel Webster
"Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense." - Mark Twain
"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak." - Unknown
"Always keep your clothes and your weapons where you can find them in the dark." - Robert Heinlein
"Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could only do a little." - Edmund Burke
"I am a man of fixed and unbending principles, the first of which is to be flexible at all times." - Everett Dirksen
"Integrity is what you do when no one is looking." - Unknown
"Abuse of words has been the great instrument of sophistry and chicanery, of party, faction, and division of society." - John Adams
"The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding." - William Brandeis
"We're going to have the best educated American people in the World!" - VP Dan Quayle, 9/21/88
"For NASA, space is still a high priority."- VP Dan Quayle, 9/5/90
A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned how to walk forward. - Franklin Roosevelt
"If we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure." - VP Dan Quayle, 3/90
"I stand by all the mistatements that I've made." - VP Dan Quayle, 8/17/89
"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly - while you are learning." - John Lowther II, QST Magazine, July 1996
"A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer." - Robert Frost
"An armed society is a polite society." - Robert A. Heinlein
"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote." - Benjamin Franklin, 1759
"Those who beat their swords into plowshares will plow for those who do not." - Unknown, seen on the Internet
"If you want to make people angry, lie. If you want to make them absolutely livid with rage, tell the truth." - Unknown
"Where do forest rangers go to 'get away from it all'?" - Steven Wright
"There is a time in the life of every problem when it is big enough to see, yet small enough to solve." - Mike Leavitt
"Any idiot can face a crisis--it's the day-to-day living that wears you out." - Anton Chekhov
"When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign; that the dunces are all in confederacy against him." -- Jonathan Swift
"Think you can, think you can't: either way you're right." - Henry Ford
"Just *before* someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?" - Steven Wright
"If it weren't for the last minute, a lot of things wouldn't get done." - Michael S. Traylor
"If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?" -Linda Ellerbee
"It's tough taking sides in an argument between Charlton Heston and Bill Clinton. On one side you have a classic actor trained to fake emotion for the camera, trained to win you over with a well rehearsed script, and then on the other side you have Charlton Heston." - Allyson Smith, San Diego Tribune 03/22/00
"The moment of victory is much too short to live for that and nothing else." - Martina Navratilova
"You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy." - Erica Jong
"It's not getting any smarter out there. You have to come to terms with stupidity, and make it work for you." - Frank Zappa
"At the core of the risk-free society is a self-indulgent failure of nerve." --Edwin Aldrin, July 1999
"The right to buy weapons is the right to be free." - A.E. Van Vogt, 'The Weapon Shops of Isher'
"Diapers and politicians must be changed often, and for the same reason." - Seen on a bumper sticker
"A fear of weapons is a sign of retarded sexual and emotional maturity." -- Sigmund Freud, General Introduction to Psychoanalysis (1952)
"...arms...discourage and keep the invader and plunderer in awe, and preserve order in the world as well as property. Horrid mischief would ensue were (the law-abiding) deprived of the use of them." - Thomas Paine
"Insisting on perfect safety is for people who don't have the balls to live in the real world." --Mary Shafer, NASA Engineer
"Hoffer's Lemming Law: When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other."
"In the carboniferous epoch
we were promised perpetual peace.
They swore if we gave up our weapons
that the wars of the tribes would cease.
But when we disarmed they sold us,
and delivered us, bound, to our foe.
And the gods of the copybook headings said,
'Stick to the devil you know.' "
--Rudyard Kipling
"A life spent in making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent in doing nothing." - unknown
"You know how dumb the average person is? Well, by definition, half of 'em are dumber than THAT!" - J.R. 'Bob' Dobbs
"Political correctness is just tyranny with manners. I wish for you the courage to be unpopular. Popularity is history's pocket change. Courage is history's true currency." - NRA President Charleton Heston
"Avoid saying 'hello'. This elsewhere pleasant and familiar greeting is out of place in the world of business." - instructions of Morgan Guaranty Trust Company to New York employees.
"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiency, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." - Robert A. Heinlein
"If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very very low crime rate." - Marion Barry, Mayor, Washington, DC
"An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves." - Bill Vaughan
"A gun is a tool, Marian, no better, no worse than any other tool, an ax, a shovel, or anything. A gun is as good or as bad as the man using it, remember that." - Alan Ladd in "Shane", screenplay by A. B. Guthrie, Jr.
"They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--" Last words of Union commander General John Sedgwick, spoken as he was watching enemy troops at the Battle of Spotsylvania Court House.
"If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time for no good reason." - Deep Thought, by Jack Handy
"As it says in Bible, God fights on side of heaviest artillery." - Robert Heinlein, The Moon is a Harsh Mistress
"You can't have too much money or too many magazines." - Penni Bales, September 10, 1994
If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity. - Bill Vaughan
"Pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space, Because there's bugger all down here on Earth." -Eric Idle of Monty Python, "The Galaxy Song"
"I worry about my judgement when anything I believe in or do regularly begins to be accepted by the American public." - George Carlin
"A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election." - Bill Vaughan
"The people have the right to bear arms for their defense and security; but standing armies, in time of peace, are dangerous to liberty, and shall not be kept up; and the military shall be in strict subordination to the civil power." - Ohio Constitution, Section 1.04 (1851)
"You can't leave footprints in the sands of time while you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to leave buttprints in the sands of time?" - Unknown, seen on Internet
"Bomb Squad: If you see me running, try to keep up." - Seen on a T-Shirt at 1999 Kentucky State Championships
"Love is what goes on between a man and a .45 that doesn't jam." - Alan Ladd
"There's always an easy solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong." - H.L. Mencken
"I may be slow, but at least my tactics suck." - Unknown IPSC Shooter, seen on Internet
"Democracy has at least one merit, namely that a Member Parliament cannot be stupider than his constituants, for the more stupid he is, the more stupid they were to elect him." - Bertrand Russell
"Assault weapons... are a new topic. The weapons' menacing looks, coupled with the public's confusion over fully-automatic machine guns versus semi-automatic assault weapons -- anything that looks like a machine gun is assumed to be a machine gun -- can only increase the chance of public support for restrictions on these weapons." -- "Assault Weapons: Analysis, New Research and Legislation" Josh Sugarmann, March 1989
"They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - Benjamin Franklin, Historical Review of Pennsylvania, 1759
"Rockne wanted nothing but bad losers. Good losers get in the habit of losing." - George E. Allen
"Accuracy is the natural byproduct of uncontrolled speed." - Floyd 'Beavis' Shoemaker, on IPSC Mailing List
"To preserve liberty it is essential that the whole body of the people always possess arms, and taught alike, especially when young, how to use them." - Richard Henry Lee, 1787
"Before a standing army may rule, the people must be disarmed, as they are in almost every Kingdom of Europe. The supreme power in America cannot enforce unjust laws by force because the whole body of the people are armed." - Noah Webster, 1787
"If we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure." - VP Dan Quayle, 3/90
"One should respect public opinion insofar as is necessary to avoid starvation and keep out of prison, but anything that goes beyond this is voluntary submission to an unnecessary tyranny." - Bertrand Russell
"Never attribute to malice that which can be adeqately explained by stupidity." - Unknown
"How does the bullet know which hole to come out?" - Kate Holmes, Upon viewing an 11-port racegun
"If anyone disagrees with anything I say, I am quite prepared not only to retract it, but also to deny under oath that I ever said it." - Tom Lehrer
"Our verdict is...the automatic pistol without the double-action-first-shot 'self-commencing' feature will be as far behind the times, after the war, as the Model T 'crank-it-yourself' Ford!" - American Rifleman, May 1945 (discussing the obsolescence of the single-action handgun).
"I still miss my ex-husband, but my aim is improving." - Debbie Marsh, happy Glock owner, in her email tagline.
"Women often ask, 'What do men really want, deep in their souls?' The best answer - based on in-depth analysis of the complex and subtle interplay of thought, instinct and emotion that constitutes the male psyche - is that deep in their souls, men want to watch stuff go 'bang'." - Dave Berrry, in his column "Get Ready, Get Set, Go Bang!"
"If you don't see the cardboard in the scope, you're probably not going to hit it." - Ted Kavage, after a miss.
"Don't discourage the boy, Marge. Weaseling out of things is an important skill to learn. It's what separates us from the animals. Except the weasel." - Homer J. Simpson
"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the minute you get up in the morning and does not stop until the timer beeps." - Paraphrasing poet Robert Frost
"Loading and unloading are not speed events!" - Range Officer at Ashland Invitational 1994
"God does not deduct from a person's lifetime the time spent shooting." - Corrected from an old fishing adage
"When you aren't practicing, somewhere someone is, and when you meet him, he will win." - Seen on a T-shirt in GunGames Magazine
"Before the invention of eruptions, lava had to be carried down the mountain by hand and thrown on sleeping villagers. This took a lot of time." - From Peter Loren's email tagline.
"A famous athlete once said that he tried to go on the 'B' of 'BEEP', and not the 'P'. This does not mean that he anticipates the buzzer, but that the beep lasts 0.3 seconds which is plenty of time to start at the beginning and not at the end." - From the British magazine Guns and Shooting, October 1994, p 40.
"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the minute you get up in the morning and does not stop until the timer beeps." - Paraphrasing poet Robert Frost
"Losing sucks." - Jerry Barnhart, August 14, 1994
"A golf course is a willful and deliberate misuse of a perfectly good rifle range." - Bill O'Connor